Six tips for relationship resuscitation

Six tips for relationship resuscitation

Has your relationship become boring? Is it a little staid? The truth is boredom happens from time to time even in the best of relationships. It does not necessarily mean it has to be over. This dull place could actually provide an opportunity to breathe life into it.

1) Talk about it
It’s time to be open with one another. Why not sit down with a glass of wine. Using open questions, take turns to ask each other what would make the relationship better.
Try to see the relationship as something that you can both improve. Something that can be worked on and something than can be great in the future.
It’s funny, many people spend hours of their time improving their home or honing skills, few spend any serious time thinking about growing a relationship.

2) Prioritise Sex
Schedule time for sex. When there is emotional distance or friction in a relationship, there is usually less intimacy. This distance often escalates, it becomes very difficult to reconnect.
Making love leads to an increase in oxytocin. This is the hormone associated with bonding. Communication will become easier. It may seem very unromantic scheduling time for sex into your diary but it is important.

3) Restart old habits. What did you used to do when love was new? Why not revisit those old habits. It will make you both feel good and alive again.

4) Schedule regular dates or short breaks away
Often relationships begin to fail through boredom. Life often becomes a routine of juggling work, paying bills and caring for the kids. Demands on time have never been higher. Relationships inevitably take a backseat. This is usually not through laziness, but simply due to the demands of 21st century living.
Scheduling regular time together, free from distractions is an investment in yourselves. That investment will pay dividends getting you through the tough times and leading to exciting times ahead.

5) Begin a new hobby together
It is a well-known fact that learning a new skill together creates intimacy, deepens friendship and generally puts back the zing into a relationship. Choosing a new interest is the beginning of the fun.

6) Design a future together
Psychologists will tell you that people who are successful usually visualise their success. They spend time thinking what success will look and feel like. These people follow thoughts of success by putting steps into place that will allow them to reach their goals. A relationship can be treated in the same manner. The first step is constructing a flexible blueprint. This will serve as a map to creating the relationship you want.
Written by Sheehan Brooke Psychology providers of psychological well-being services throughout the UK.   We are able to provide a full range of psychological services including couple and family therapy.
01243 775055

Mindfulness and its role in reducing inflammation

 

Mindfulness and its role in reducing inflammation in auto immune disease.

A recent research study carried out at the University of Wisconsin-Madison found a link between the practice of mindfulness and reduced inflammation in auto immune disease.

Conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, sarcoidosis and asthma all feature increased inflammation causing pain and distress. In some cases disease activity results in disability, organ malfunction and a marked deterioration in quality of life.

At an intuitive level people who practice mindfulness report that it reduces their stress and pain levels.

Less stress in the system is believed to result in a decrease in the production of the stress hormone, Cortisol. Less Cortisol production, it seems may contribute to reduced inflammation. Less inflammation in chronic disease is very welcome news.

As an example, perhaps you have noticed that after a few days on vacation your pain level seems lower. You may have also recognised that soon after you return home you start to feel worse again. It is well known that pain and anxiety levels seem to increase during stressful periods.

The practice of mindfulness can help you accomplish what is important and necessary to you without increasing your stress levels. Living fully in the present moment has a positive effect on general wellbeing.

Increasingly, it is also believed that meditation has a positive effect on disease activity. This is particularly so when mindfulness is combined with a diet rich in antioxidants and appropriate exercise is taken. It is crucial to state that before starting an exercise routine you must seek medical advice. More research is needed to fully understand the positive effects of mindfulness on inflammation

Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), originally designed for patients with chronic pain, consists of continuously focusing attention on the breath, bodily sensations and mental content while seated, walking or practicing yoga.

Sheehan Brooke Psychology is undertaking a research pilot study which will attempt to investigate the effects of Mindfulness on wellbeing in patients having a diagnosis of auto immune disease.

To achieve their objective the organisation is running the 8 week MBCT/MBSR programme specifically for people who have a diagnosis of auto immune illness. It will commence at the beginning of March 2014.

The only requirement is that participants agree to have their inflammatory markers tested by their GP. This involves a simple blood test at the beginning of the study and again six months later. Full information is available from Sheehan Brooke Psychology.

The MBSR programme will take place at the Sheehan Brooke Clinic Nr Chichester, West Sussex. The eight week programme is completely free to participants who agree to take part in the pilot study.

Sheehan Brooke also welcome enquiries from chartered psychologists having a research background and training in mindfulness who are interested in conducting the research in other locations in the UK and US

If you are interested in learning the practice of mindfulness and have been diagnosed with an auto immune illness please do get in touch.

The research study will be led by consultant chartered psychologist Chrissie Tizzard.
Chrissie is also chartered scientist who has undergone training in mindfulness and has completed a research doctorate using quantative and qualitative methods at Roehampton University.

Sheehan Brooke provide a range of Mindfulness courses and longer retreats in the UK and Cyprus.

Sheehan Brooke Psychology 9, The Courtyard, Trident Business Park, Selsey, Chichester, West Sussex PO20 9TY. Telephone 01243 775055

The seven sins of email communication

 

New research carried out at the University of Kingston has identified seven sins of email communication.
Dr Emma Russell, a senior lecturer in occupational psychology has highlighted seven email habits that contribute to stress and a general inability to relax.

Demand for quick responses has never been at a higher premium. Increasingly people are relying on technology in ways that do not respect boundaries or the need for ‘down time’.
Employees want to be seen as performing well and perceived by others as ‘on top of their game’. Constant emails back and forth creating long chains and often out of hours seem to becoming the norm.

Dr Russell explained. “Some workers became so obsessed by email that they even reported experiencing so-called ‘phantom alerts’ where they think their phone has vibrated or bleeped with an incoming email when in fact it has not. Others said they felt they needed to physically hold their smartphone when they were not at their desk so that they were in constant email contact.”

So here they are: – How many are you guilty of?

1. Ping pong email – constant emails back and forth creating long chains
2. Emailing out of hours
3. Emailing while in company, aka, phubbing
4. Ignoring emails completely
5. Requesting read receipts
6. Responding immediately to an email alert
7. Automated replies

Written by Sheehan Brooke Psychology

Anxiety: Why is it so hard to overcome?

Why is anxiety so hard to overcome?

For many people anxiety can become a way of life. It tends to begin with worries about a certain thing or issue. Before long anxiety can seem all consuming. What once seemed simple to achieve now feels as hard as attempting to climb Mount Everest.
CTP see many clients in clinic who are reliant on medications such as Propranolol or Diazepam. They often believe they need these to function. Medication is often useful in the short term. For instance, it can be very helpful during an acute crisis.  It is not intended or recommended for routine daily use. Clients often find that when they stop taking medication their anxiety returns. The good news is, it’s  possible to break this pattern when you learn how to.

Anxiety – Why is it getting worse?

Why does anxiety become so disabling and how can get your life back?  The simple answer is that when we feel anxious most of us are motivated to find a quick fix that will remove the unpleasant sensations. The quickest way to feel better is often to avoid a feared situation. When we ‘avoid’ we experience immediate relief.
The bad news is that avoidance usually results in an increased fear of the situation we avoided. This ramping up of fear makes the next attempt even harder. Worse still, anxiety also becomes attached to things, places and events associated with the original fear. It becomes easy to see how anxiety increases over time. In fact many clients say that they feel a prisoner to their anxiety.
The bottom line is, to experience less anxiety, it is necessary to face fears. To achieve success, this must be done in a safe and gradual manner. Remember we are speaking about anxiety not genuinely dangerous situations.

Anxiety Tips

 1. The best way to get rid of anxiety is to slowly confront your fears. This is referred to as a gradual exposure. You may do this alone, with a partner or friend or with a therapist.

2. To confront fears successfully, you must be able to gradually increase your tolerance of discomfort. Concentrating on your breathing will be helpful. Learning basic mindfulness strategies will also be useful. There are many self-help books or courses on the subject.

3. Remember that small amounts of felt discomfort do not mean there is danger present. Take a moment to reframe your thoughts. A reframed and helpful thought might be ‘small amounts of emotional discomfort are clear opportunities for navigating change’. Alternatively, you might say ‘I am feeling nervous about doing this, if I press on I am increasing my tolerance. It will become easier with practice’. Your growing tolerance of small amounts of discomfort mean you are on the way to conquering your fear.

4. Break your plan to overcome a specific anxiety into small manageable steps. It is crucial that the steps you design are small but still large enough to cause some mild discomfort. Steps should not be overwhelming. Most people who are unable to overcome their anxiety fail because they make the goals too high and become overwhelmed. Goals that are too big simply increase anxiety and make the process much harder.

5. If a step seems too huge break it down into a smaller step. Although this might make you feel impatient, it is the safest and quickest way to achieve your goal.

6. Practice each step before moving onto the next. You should be able to complete each step without feeling anxiety before moving to the next step.

7. Reward yourself when you have accomplished each step.

8. If you fail, regroup and try again. Failing is part of the success process.

9. If  anxiety persists after working through this hierarchy, you may wish to consider professional help.

Written by Christine Tizzard Psychology, Chichester, West Sussex
CTP  is an independent psychology provider based in Chichester, West Sussex.
We have clinics located in Portsmouth, Brighton and Harley Street. A full range of assessment and treatment services are available. All our chartered psychologists are registered with the HCPC and British Psychological Society.

 

 

Banish The Blues! Free depression group begins 28th January 11.00am

Banish the Blues! Depression group in the Chichester area.

Feeling depressed or blue?  FREE 4 week CBT group (banish the blues) begins on Tues 28th January at 11.00am at Sheehan Brooke. There will only be a maximum of five people in the group. Text, Tweet, or Telephone to reserve your place NOW.
Sheehan Brooke is an independent psychology provider registered with the BPS and HCPC. The CBT group will be facilitated by a Chartered Psychologist. This is a free event for the local community.
During the 4 week course you will learn strategies to improve your mood and increase your general wellbeing.

Improving communication with a person with dementia

Dementia care – Improving communication with a person with dementia.

Dementia is often a heart-breaking disease. If you are caring for a person with dementia you will be all too familiar with the theme of difficult communication. Having a conversation with a person with dementia is often extremely difficult.
Improving communication with the person with dementia will pay dividends. It is often challenging to know how to achieve this.
A typical request for help is often along these lines;

‘I have been looking after my Dad for a while now, actually it’s been five years. Talking to him has become so difficult, I can’t bear to even try to talk to him at the moment. I never know how he will respond. Sometimes it’s like he’s not there. I know he is there physically; but it’s like he is empty, like a shell. Other times, he is angry and gets really agitated. On other occasions, I think we are having a good conversation and then he says something so random that I wonder why I bother. I am really at the end of my tether’. Does this sound familiar?

There are times when it can be very difficult to continue to talk to a person with dementia. Relatives often speak of a loved one as being like an ‘empty shell’. Trying to hold a conversation is often frustrating. You perhaps want to ask what your Dad would like for lunch, he might insist on telling you what he had for lunch during the war.
A person with dementia often has a tendency to mind wander, to be absent, (the empty shell) or to be extremely aggressive. These behaviours are very hard to deal with and when repeated over time can lead to burnout and depression in the carer. Learning to communicate better with the person with dementia is beneficial to you and the person you are caring for.

These simple strategies may help you communicate easier with the individual with dementia.
1) Recognise what you are dealing with.
It will be a great help if you are able to gain information about the condition. A little knowledge will help put the difficulties you are experiencing into context. Acquiring information will help you feel less like you are failing when interactions are stressful.
2) Avoid distractions.
It is very important that when you talk to a person with dementia that you have the time to do so. If you are caring for a loved one, it would be a sound plan to build time where you will not be interrupted, called upon or pressured to be elsewhere. Turn your phone off.
3) Speak clearly and slowly in a calm voice.
Speak clearly and more slowly than usual. Use a calm voice and a warm tone. If you feel nervous or agitated these emotions will be picked up by the person with dementia. They will usually register threat and respond in a negative manner. Keep interactions calm.
4) Use names, be specific.
Rather than say ‘Hi, it’s me’. A more helpful greeting would be ‘Hello Granddad, its Ben, your Grandson’. This type of greeting provides a type of scaffolding to the memory system and can aid the retrieval of information. The result is often less frustration.
5) Stick to one subject at a time.
It is very helpful if you are able to plan the conversation you would like to have with the person with dementia. Take a few minutes beforehand to think about what you wish to say. Think how you could say it clearly, warmly and in such a way that it could not seem confrontational to the person with dementia. This is way harder to do than it sounds. Talking about one topic at a time is a good idea.
6) Use lots of Non Verbal Communication (NVC).
When we communicate 90% of our message is conveyed by non-verbal cues. To the person with dementia who has difficulties in retrieving information, positive non-verbal communication can really help understanding. An open, relaxed and smiling posture conveys safety and reduces the perception of threat. This may seem obvious but it is important that we always checkout our non-verbal communication especially when we are in challenging situations.
7) Listen actively. Regularly paraphrase the essence of what has been said to you. This will facilitate understanding and encourage further dialogue.

8) Don’t argue, quibble or correct. It is often the case that the dementia sufferer will make grammatical errors or confuse words. It’s important that mistakes are ignored and not picked up on. Correcting the individual rarely helps, often it adds to their confusion and increases agitation.
9) Accept there will be good days and bad days.
We all have days that are better than others. It is the same only more pronounced for dementia sufferers. On occasions their mental powers appear better than others. This can be frustrating and heart-breaking for carers. Unfortunately, this situation is attributable to the disease.
10) Consider respite.
Is there any other family member who could give you a few hours to yourself? This may reduce your load. Alternatively, is your loved one well enough to attend a day centre to benefit from reminiscence therapy, perhaps for a few hours once a week? Reminiscence therapy is a structured therapy where the individual is encouraged to reminisce about their past through interaction with various objects or items. This has the effect of stimulating interest and conversation and often makes management of the disease a little easier.

Written by Christine Tizzard, Consultant Chartered Psychologist and Clinical Director of Sheehan Brooke Psychology.
Sheehan Brooke Psychology is an independent psychology provider based in west Sussex.
The organisation provides psychological assessment, interventions and support throughout the lifespan.
We offer a full range of eldercare psychology services supported by a small professional team comprising of psychologists, counsellors, social workers and support staff.
Sheehan Brooke’s elder care services include elder psychological assessment, dementia assessments, treatment and memory interventions, care planning, accommodation selection and support services. www.sheehanbrooke.org
We also provide bespoke training to staff within residential and nursing care settings to enable the provision of professional, compassionate and dignified care to the dementia patient.
Sheehan Brooke has over many years built a reputation for providing highly professional and clinically exacting services delivered in a caring and empathic framework. Our services are broad and advice is always freely available. Our organisational ethos is very simple and that is to provide each client as far as we are able, with the same level of exacting care that we would wish for our own partner, child or parent.

How a Personal Review of the Year Can Promote Self-Growth

With New Year’s Eve fresh in our minds, this is the perfect time to take a pause, sip a glass of wine and complete a personal year review. Be honest: how did last year go? What went well? What didn’t?

A personal review is a powerful tool; the fact that it remains private means that it’s possible to be brutally honest with yourself. Gaining an awareness into your deeper processes and motivation is an essential step towards self-fulfilment, and perhaps even self-actualisation. The questions listed below may help you to identify key strengths that can be built upon, and they will allow you to target the things you want to improve.

Of course, if you’re coming to read this post in January, or indeed later in the year, that doesn’t mean you can’t do a review. Your year could be April to April, or whatever 12-month time-span you find works best. It could even be like the academic year, from September to July.

Questions From Your Personal Review of the Year

What was the best thing that happened this year? What made it so good?

Which was my greatest accomplishment? Why?

What was my biggest failure and what did failure teach me?

How can I use the learning from past failures to ensure future success?

Which word, phrase or theme describes my year?

What aspect of the past year was the most challenging?

Which strengths did the challenge illuminate?

Which weaknesses were made visible?

What are the three things I am most grateful for?

What brought me the most joy?

What do I need to do more of to feel happier, self-fulfilled or at peace?

Remember to complete your personal review questions slowly and thoughtfully, and to revisit your responses in the months ahead.  Your personal review doesn’t carry the threat of entering special measures if your responses are negative.  Instead, a negative response should be seen as a potential gift: a chance to see what can be improved upon.  After all, it’s only through greater awareness of our problems that change can be achieved.

Written by Dr Chrissie Tizzard, Chartered Consultant Psychologist, PsychD, BSc, MSc, C.Psychol, C.Sci, AFBPS. Dr Tizzard is the Clinical Director of Christine Tizzard Psychology (ctpsy.co.uk). 

Achieving Goals in Five Simple Steps

Ever wondered why some people are better than others at achieving goals? Achieving your goals is not just about intellect – it is about planning, vision and tenacity. Individuals who take the time to plan, plot and map their goals generally achieve more success than those who simply jump in.

Achieving goals will become easier using these simple strategies.

1)      Pick realistic and meaningful goals

Recognise what is truly achievable; your goals may take considerable effort, but they must ultimately be possible.

This might mean signing up to a 5k run, then a 10k run, then a half-marathon, before you commit to an ultra-marathon. Don’t assume the sheer adrenaline and determination will get you through a feat with little training or stamina (and that doesn’t just apply to sports situations, either!). If you struggle with unrealistic goal setting and perfectionism, to the point where it affects your mental health, you may want to consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to unpick the thought patterns behind this behaviour.

2)      Clearly define the steps necessary to achieve the goal

Remember, successful execution of a goal takes planning. Break down each step into sub-sections. Many clever people with great ideas fail to achieve their goal because they omit this step.

If your goal involves outside input, or you’ll achieve it sooner with other people on board, don’t be afraid to ask for help. For example, deciding to redecorate your house shouldn’t involve you single-handedly renovating each room, and nor should all your DIY take place at the same time. The best strategy would be to sort the rooms by priority, work out where you will store items as you decorate, and create a budget for materials and any decorators you need to hire.

3)      Schedule activities into your planner that support the defined steps.  Carry the activities out. No excuses

Inspiration only works when coupled with perspiration. Your goal has to be a priority.

Going back to that running training, your activity plans would include solo running sessions, group sessions with a local running club or some friends, and related activities to support your fitness levels, like swimming, Zumba, walking or yoga. To fuel your body with the right foods, you could start a folder of useful recipes to inspire you each week, and set aside a half-day to batch cook meals for the week ahead, making you less likely to reach for takeaways.

4)      Accept there will be set-backs on the way to achieving goals

Build a contingency plan for these. Get back on track with minimal fuss or drama. Think of the set-back as a learning curve.

In that decorating scenario, we all know there are lots of things that can go wrong when you do up your house (the famous clip from 90s TV show Changing Rooms, when shelf-loads of antique teapots have been smashed to smithereens, is a prime example). Whatever the disaster, make sure you’ve got extra time, money and helping hands set aside for those tricky moments. If you run out of the perfect paint colour, there are companies that will mix bespoke colours to order. If your plasterer hasn’t done their job properly, explain the problem and have an alternative plasterer’s details ready just in case. Try to put any set-backs in perspective, and don’t take them personally.

5)      Ask for support from family and friends when needed

Very often, timely support is vital in helping you remain on track in order to achieve your goals.

Whether you’re the next Dame Kelly Holmes or you’re just redecorating your home, you’ll need support to reach your goals from those around you. Keep them informed about your plans, and ask them to nudge you in the right direction if you start to waver. Turn to social media or internet forums for peer support from strangers, too. Being in a community of like-minded people can really help to focus your energy on what matters.

Using these simple steps is a tried and trusted format for achieving goals, effecting change or enabling self-development.

Written by Dr Chrissie Tizzard, Chartered Consultant Psychologist, PsychD, BSc, MSc, C.Psychol, C.Sci, AFBPS. Dr Tizzard is the Clinical Director of Christine Tizzard Psychology (ctpsy.co.uk). 

Coping with Christmas After the Death of a Loved One

Coping with Christmas after the death of a loved one is always very painful.  Pain is often made worse because everybody else appears to be happy at this time  of year.

While Christmas will be painful, there are a few things that can make the process a little easier.

It is important to recognise that sadness will come and go throughout the festive period. This is inevitable, grieving is the price we pay for love. You can and will get through it.

These practical steps for coping with Christmas after bereavement may help.

1) Plan for Christmas day: get out pen and paper or the iPad, and jot down things you might like to do if you were not feeling quite as sad

List simple things. Maybe you always wanted to drink Bucks Fizz in bed, but never could because your partner was teetotal, or perhaps you always wanted to walk in the country on Christmas morning rather than go to church. Now is the time to please yourself – don’t feel guilty, just do it.

In making new memories and new habits, you are building a future for yourself in small but tangible ways. And don’t forget to include the quiet time between Christmas and New Year, which many people can find difficult. Think about what you’ve always wanted to use that time for.

2) Anticipate the parts of the actual day when you are likely to feel worse

Once you can recognise where the major deep pits lie, you will be able to draw up a plan to be doing other activities at those especially vulnerable times. If you recognise that your dip in mood occurs after lunch, why not go for a walk, have a sleep or try and master a hobby?

Don’t be afraid to rip up the rule book to get through Christmas. Just because you’ve always done things a certain way, doesn’t mean they have to remain that way forever. If a particular tradition or ritual feels too upsetting to revive this year, attempt a new one. Swap the Queen’s Speech for a card game, or the post-lunch walk for a Boxing Day morning walk instead.

3) Create a ritual that honours the past but sows the seeds of hope for the future

Perhaps that might be to gather winter foliage from the country to make a seasonal wreath and then laying it at your partners resting place.  Afterwards, why not meet up with a son, daughter or grandchild to do something different together? Have some mulled wine, treat them to a meal, watch them ice skate, have a flutter on the horses.

It is not important what the activity is – the importance is found in developing new rituals. Why not create a ritual you can carry out and extend every year forward?

4) Buy yourself a present

Wrap it nicely and pamper yourself, whatever the budget. Don’t pick something practical with little personal meaning, such as a new iron.

Choose something you have always wanted but never dared to buy. If you can’t afford to be extravagant, buy something that works towards your dream – a Theatre Token, to help save for a theatre trip, or a pair of walking boots, to prepare for an exotic walking holiday at some point in the future. Open your present on Christmas Day, and immerse yourself in it.

5) Make an emergency ration pack

An emergency ration pack is a small parcel made up of items that will lift your spirit even in your darkest moments. The idea is that you take time to select items that comfort or cheer you. When sadness hits, you won’t feel like seeking out things that raise your mood, so be prepared, and have the ration pack ready before you need it.

A typical ration pack might include chocolate, bath oils, a favourite DVD, a magazine, notebook, a novel and a painting set. The items don’t have to be expensive or wildly exciting, but they keep you occupied in difficult times.

6) Accept invitations

You may not want to go out, and that’s fine, but try and be gracious. Accept the odd invitation, as it will help you realise that life goes on. When you’re struggling, set a time limit: tell yourself you’ll go to Christmas drinks for an hour, and then see how you feel. Could you stay half an hour longer? Don’t forget to enlist friends and family to help, too.

Socialising does not mean you have stopped grieving or have forgotten your partner.  It does mean that you are courageously choosing to walk on for yourself while honouring your past life.

7) Count your blessings

Remember, you are lucky to be here: you have your health, and the ability to choose to move forward. You are able to feel your pain, but this in itself means you will also feel joy again. Many are not so lucky.

You may find it helpful to talk to other people who have recently lost a loved one. Track down a support group near you, or consult bereavement charities, to find a network of like-minded people who may be further along in their journey with grief, and can remind you of the happier times to come.

8) Be kind to yourself: use mindfulness

Don’t be harsh on yourself when you feel sad. Feelings of sadness will pass. Feeling broken and like life has ended is part of the grieving process. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without dulling them with excessive alcohol or drug use.

If you are unable to take any of these steps and are thinking that you can’t go on, it is essential that you seek help.  Counselling or psychotherapy may help you to adjust to your situation. It may also allow you to recognise that, despite your current feelings of sadness, you do have the chance of a positive future ahead of you.

If things become too much before you have arranged psychotherapy, dial 111 (for NHS help in a non-emergency), 999 (in an emergency) or talk to the Samaritans, night or day, including over the Christmas period, on 116 123.

Written by Dr Chrissie Tizzard, Chartered Consultant Psychologist, PsychD, BSc, MSc, C.Psychol, C.Sci, AFBPS. Dr Tizzard is the Clinical Director of Christine Tizzard Psychology (ctpsy.co.uk). 

New course dates on website for foster carers and adopters