It’s nearly impossible to make plans at the moment, after months of uncertainty and confusion.
How can we cope when things are up in the air, and our routines and goals have changed?
Focus on the things you can predict or manage, sensibly
It’s hard to regain a sense of control or autonomy when it feels like everything is out of your hands – where you can go, who you can meet, and much more. For key workers, life in a pandemic seems like a treadmill of constant shifts; for those who now work from home, it’s harder than ever to separate work life and home life. Everyone is struggling to plan for the future, because of the uncertainty.
Now is the time to look at the things you can predict and rely on. Wherever you live, there are ways to engage with nature: sunrises, sunsets, falling leaves, frosty walks (if you aren’t shielding), and splashing in puddles. The seasons will change, regardless of world events. Those of you without green space or the means to enjoy it can take comfort from a recent scientific study by Exeter University that found viewing nature on TV can be hugely beneficial for mental health, boosting mood and reducing negative emotions. Why not take it further and look up some webcams in nature reserves or coastal resorts?
As the seasons change, so does the calendar, and every week or month contains charity awareness campaigns that you can get involved in. There may well be a cause you can relate to personally, or that resonates with family and friends. You could donate money or goods, promote it on social media, or share your skills with the charity.
Have back-up plans ready
It’s easy to catastrophise when future plans aren’t fixed. What happens if you can’t work? What if your landlord wants to sell your home? What if you split up with your partner? You can be plagued by ‘what if’ scenarios, particularly during a pandemic, but simply challenging that annoying critical inner voice can work wonders. Look at the situation honestly and realistically, and think about the alternative options.
Let’s say you’re worried about losing your job, if the company goes bust or you are made redundant due to coronavirus. Millions of other people around the world are in a similar position, and redundancy isn’t a black mark on your CV. There’s no point filling in job applications just yet (unless you want to change jobs), but you could update your CV every quarter just to be on the safe side, so it’s ready to go if something does happen. You could even research recruitment agencies in your area that deal with your industry, or think about other industries where your skills could also be valued.
Next, look at your monthly outgoings, to set aside some money for a rainy day. Check your direct debits for forgotten subscriptions, and check your bank statements to see where you’re splashing out on non-essential items. You’re still allowed to treat yourself, but you now know some quick ways to cut expenses if needed.
Put things into perspective
Coronavirus has changed every aspect of our lives, and it’s become near-impossible to plan those big events like weddings, holidays, baptisms and Bar Mitzvahs. The regulations seem to change month by month, so those lavish gatherings will either turn into smaller affairs or they won’t happen at all. Yes, it’s sad and frustrating and often expensive, but a little perspective can really help.
Weddings, ceremonies and parties can always be rearranged in happier, safer times, but funerals cannot be postponed indefinitely. Losing a loved one is painful enough, but losing them during a pandemic is truly heart-breaking; you can’t physically comfort someone beyond your support bubble with a hug or a touch of their hand.
How can we ever forget 13-year-old Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab, who died of coronavirus in March 2020 and whose family were forced to miss the funeral and self-isolate? Ismail’s relatives had to watch a live-stream of the service, and say goodbye virtually to the son and brother they loved; a boy who wouldn’t grow up to get married himself. If you’re mourning the loss of a wedding venue deposit or a honeymoon package, remember to think of the bigger picture.
Start a gratitude journal, or a gratitude list
This may sound a little Pollyanna at first, but keeping a gratitude journal has been scientifically proven to help improve your mood and resilience. It doesn’t have to cost anything – you could just write on pieces of scrap paper if needed, or scribble notes in your work diary – or involve a huge amount of text, but the aim is to list a handful of things you are grateful for each day.
Your list might sometimes be quite basic at the most difficult times: ‘I’m healthy’; ‘My family and friends are safe’. Sometimes it revolves around activities, however small: ‘I watched a documentary on TV’; ‘Found some reduced cake in the supermarket’; ‘Sat outside for half an hour with the sun on my face’.
On other days, your list might be more in-depth: ‘I’m happy for my friend who finally got a promotion, because he has worked really hard. Talking to him about it has inspired me to ask for a promotion, too’; ‘Though I was sad at first when I put on weight during lockdown, I’ve now realised it’s part of adjusting to the new normal. I’m not going to punish myself for eating more, or having less time to exercise in these circumstances. I am just happy to be okay’.
Lastly, if you are really struggling, don’t keep it to yourself. Talking therapy can help you cope with the uncertainty, and what you say will be kept in confidence. There are many different types of therapy, from short-term options like Solution-Focused Therapy, to more long-term treatments.
Talking to a qualified therapist can be as easy as arranging a video call, so you don’t have to leave home to have your therapy session. Contact Christine Tizzard Psychology to arrange your consultation with one of our therapists.
Written by guest contributor Polly Allen for Dr Chrissie Tizzard, Chartered Consultant Psychologist, PsychD, BSc, MSc, C.Psychol, C.Sci, AFBPS. Dr Tizzard is the Clinical Director of Christine Tizzard Psychology (ctpsy.co.uk).